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《紐約時報》:倒霉的物理(幽默圖解)

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作者:克裡斯托弗·牛曼 (Christoph Niemann)
譯者:異議


Whether we like it or not, human life is subject to the universal laws of physics.
不管我們願不願意,人的生命都是受物理定律支配的。


My day, for example, starts with a demonstration of Newton’s First Law of Motion.
比如,我的每一天都是從牛頓第一運動定律開始的。


↓ It states, “Every body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line…”
該定律指出:“正常情況下,身體會保持靜止狀態,或做勻速直線運動,…” ↓



↓ “…unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it.”
“…除非有外力加諸其上,迫使其改變狀態。” ↓



↓ Based on supercomplicated physical observations, Einstein concluded that two objects may perceive time differently.
基於超級複雜的物理研究,愛因斯坦得出結論,認為兩個不同物體對時間的感知可能有所不同。

Based on simple life experience, I have concluded that this is true.
基於生活的簡單經驗,我確定這理論是真的。 ↓



↓ Newton’s Cradle shows how energy travels through a series of objects.
牛頓擺試驗察看了能量是如何通過一家族物體來進行傳遞的。 ↓



↓ In our particular arrangement, kinetic energy is ultimately converted into a compression of the forehead.
在我們的精心編排下,動能最終轉化為我額頭上擠出來的皺紋。 ↓



↓ The forehead can be uncrumpled by a downward movement of the jaw.
通過下巴向下的運動,前額可以平復如初。 ↓


↓ Excessive mechanical strain will compromise the elasticity of most materials, though.
但過度的機械應力會損害大多數材料的彈性。 ↓


↓ The human body functions like a combustion engine. To produce energy, we need two things:
人體就像一台內燃機。為了產生能量,我們需要兩件東西:


– Oxygen, supplied through the nostrils (once the toy car is removed, that is).
- 氧氣,通過鼻孔提供(在沒有被玩具車堵住的時候)。


– Carbohydrates, which come in various forms (vanilla, chocolate, dulce de leche).
– 碳水化合物,以各種形式被攝取(香草口味,巧克力口味,法式口味)。


By the by: I had an idea for a carb-neutral ice cream.
OK,我想出了一個關於零增肥冰淇淋的主意。


All you need is to freeze a pint of ice cream to -3706 F.
你只需要把一品脫冰淇淋凍到零下3706華氏度。 ↓


The energy it will take your system to bring the ice cream up to a digestible temperature is roughly 1,000 calories, neatly burning away all those carbohydrates from the fat and sugar.
這樣一來,你把它回復到可吃的溫度所花費的能量,大約是1000卡路裡,正好可以抵消掉這些冰淇淋中的脂肪和糖所含的碳水化合物。 ↓


The only snag is the Third Law of Thermodynamics, which says it’s impossible to go below -459 F.
唯一的問題是,根據熱力學第三定律,溫度不可能低於零下459華氏度。 ↓


Bummer.
倒霉。



But back to Newton: he discovered that any two objects in the universe attract each other, and that this force is proportional to their mass.
還是回到牛頓吧:他發現,在宇宙中任何兩個物體都會相互吸引,而且這股引力和它們的品質成正比。


The Earth is heavier than the Moon, and therefore attracts our bodies with a much greater force.
地球比月亮更重,因此對我們身體的引力更大。 ↓



This explains why an empty refrigerator administrates a much smaller gravitational pull than, say, one that’s stacked with 50 pounds of delicious leftovers. Great: that means we can blame the leftovers.
這就解譯了為什麼一個空空如也的冰箱對我們的吸引力,遠遠小於裝着50磅美味剩菜的冰箱。妙啊:這意味着我們可以賴到剩飯剩菜頭上。 ↓



(Fig. A): Let’s examine the behavior of particles in a closed container.
(圖A):讓我們來觀察一下粒子在封閉容器中的行為。 ↓


(Fig. B): The more particles we squeeze into the container, the testier they will become, especially if the container happens to be a rush-hour downtown local at 86th and Lex.
(圖B):如果我們把更多的粒子擠入容器中,它們將變得易爆,特別是當這個容器正好是高峰期的下城86街和萊克星頓大道路口的那個地鐵站。↓


↓ (Fig. C): Usually the particles will distribute evenly, unless there is a weird-looking puddle on the floor.
(圖c):通常粒子會分散均勻,除非地板上有一灘奇怪的的不明液體。



The probability of finding a seat on the subway is inversely proportional to the number of people on the platform. ↓
在地鐵上找到座位的概率,與站台上的人數成反比。 ↓


Even worse, the utter absence of people is 100 percent proportional to just having missed the train.
更糟的是,如果站台上完全沒有人,那麼你百分之百的是誤了剛開走的地鐵。 ↓




To describe different phenomena, physicists use various units.
為了說明不同的現象,物理學家使用不同的單位。


PASCALS, for example, measure the pressure applied to a certain area.
比如,帕斯卡是用來測量某處面積所受壓力的單位。 ↓(下圖左方)


COULOMBS measure electric charge (that can occur if said area is a synthetic carpet)
程式庫侖是測量靜電電荷的單位(如果前述面積是一塊合成纖維地毯的話,這種情況就有可能發生。) ↓ (下圖中間)


DECIBELS measure the intensity of the trouble the physicist gets into because he didn‘t take off his shoes first.
分貝是測量麻煩強度的單位,——如果本物理專家忘了脫鞋的話。 ↓(下圖右方)




Often those units are named after people to recognize historic contributions to their field of expertise. One NEWTON, for example, describes the force that is necessary to accelerate 1 kilogram of mass by one meter per second squared.
這些單位往往是用人的名字來命名,以紀念對該領域有歷史性貢獻的專家們。比如,一“牛頓”是使得一千克品質產生一米/秒平方的加速度所使用的力量。 ↓(下圖左方)


This is not to be confused with one NIEMANN, which describes the force necessary to make a three-year-old put on his shoes and jacket when we’re already late for kindergarten.
這可無法跟“牛曼”搞混:一“牛曼”指的是在已經誤了幼兒園的情況下,給一個三歲的孩子穿上鞋和外套所需要使用的力量。 ↓ (下圖右方)



Once the child is ready to go, I search for my keys. I start spinning around to scan my surroundings. This rotation exposes my head and all its contents to centrifugal forces, resulting in loss of hair and elongated eyeballs. That’s why I need to wear prescription glasses, which are yet another thing I constantly misplace.

一旦孩子準備好了,我就開始找鑰匙。我開始不停的打轉,四處察看。這種旋轉使我的頭及所有頭上物品受到離心力影響,造成脫髮和眼球拉長,從而使得我需要戴眼鏡,而那也是我經常找不到的一樣東西。 ↓




Since Antoine Lavoisier, we all know that “matter can be neither created nor destroyed, though it can be rearranged,” which, sadly, it eventually will.
從安托萬·拉瓦錫開始,我們都知道“物質既無法創造也無法消滅,但它可以重新排列”。可悲的是,它最終的確如此。↓


Not everything can be explained through physics, though. I’ve spent years searching for a rational explanation for the weight of my wife??s luggage. There is none. It is just a cruel joke of nature.
不過,也不是什麼都可以用物理來解譯。我花了多年時間為我妻子的行李重量搜尋合理的解譯。根本就沒有理由。這就是大自然開的一個殘忍玩笑。





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